i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
