why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
