youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
