I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
