happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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