my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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