he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
