Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize