well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
