oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
