All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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