My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
