Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize