Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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