Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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