how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
