Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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