It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
