i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
