She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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