ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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