I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
