Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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