The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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