Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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