who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
