I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
