My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
