I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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