You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
