Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
