Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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