how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize