Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
