You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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