I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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