No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
