Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
