All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
