you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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