We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
