umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
