I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize