remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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