Me too!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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