I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
