the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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