god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
