I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize