i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
