sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
