Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
