Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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