I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
