u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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