Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
