I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
