Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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