I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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