It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
