Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
