If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
