Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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