is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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