Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
