just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize