Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
