I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
