you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
