its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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