I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
