and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
