Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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