I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize