like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
