Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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