ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
