Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i now understand why vodka
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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