she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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