I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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