He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
