i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
