yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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