dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
