Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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