Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
