how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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