Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The air taste purple.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
