Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
