man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
