his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
