He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
