He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
