my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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