I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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