That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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