Duck Duck Cougar?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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