sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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