Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
