what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
