dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
