you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
