drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
