i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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