From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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